I have stood on the rim… teetered on the edge, and finally taken the plunge: I’ve filled in the paperwork for counselling.
I think the prospect of counselling is the scariest part of everything going on at the minute. I’m from a family who never really talked about issues… don’t get me wrong – I can talk about them, but there are always bits that get left out. Part of me is simply scared that the counsellor will say “there’s nothing wrong with you. Suck it up and get on with it” – that or “there’s nothing we can do”.
I think that’s because in reality there isn’t anything anyone can do to fix the situation… theBoy can’t be changed to suit my issues. I have to change to suit his. I guess what I’m wanting to get out of this is a coping strategy for dealing with my own feelings of despair and hopelessness… and, well, just feelings in general, rather than bottling them and letting them consume me. *shrug*
Today’s been a bit of an apathetic day… adjusting to the meds, trying to work out if anything’s different yet. Another abscess surfaced this morning so I’m back on the clarithromycin too, and the joyous digestive-system pains which accompany it. Of course this means sitting anywhere is painful, whether it’s car, sofa, garden seat… they all hurt and the recent few abscesses like to cause a dull hot pain that radiates throughout my coccyx. Combine it all together when you’re in Sainsburys trying to do the shopping and – well – I felt awful and had to leave theChimp to it whilst I retired to the car, expecting to throw up any second. Fortunately I didn’t… this time.
Wish they could hurry up the surgical solution… in the meantime, I keep on popping those pills to minimise chance of further infection into my coccyx.
One day I WILL be able to just sit on my ass with a big grin on my face.